An Open Letter to My School Bullies
But the saddest thing of all? Those moments when I felt myself morphing into a bully - becoming someone like you. Because just as kindness breeds kindness, nastiness has a habit of doing the same.
By Featured Writer, Roxie Key.
Dear bullies,
How have you all been feeling, lately? I only ask as I’m worried about you. Does that sound strange?
Let me explain.
Remember all the years of name calling, shaming and singling me out? Forcing me to do your homework, and stealing my belongings? Well, it left a mark on me.
As a child, I dumbed myself down to avoid constant comments about my intelligence.
As a teenager, I pretended to be heterosexual until my mid-twenties because the thought of coming out to you all was beyond unbearable – and I guess that stuck with me for years after I left school.
As an adult, I was left with lasting body image issues that are still with me now, at 36. All because you called me “the fat one.”
But the saddest thing of all? Those moments when I felt myself morphing into a bully - becoming someone like you.
Because just as kindness breeds kindness, nastiness has a habit of doing the same.
At 10, I remember pouring my (thankfully cooled) hot chocolate into a boy’s lap when he tried to sit next to me, because I’d endured years of untrue and unkind rumours about the two of us, and couldn’t bear another one.
It wasn’t his fault.
At 11, I remember attempting to spread rumours about a fellow classmate, to deflect the negative attention away from me.
It wasn’t her fault.
At 12, I remember joining forces with some of you once you’d started to accept me, and picking on the younger kids.
It wasn’t their fault.
And… it didn’t feel good.
In fact, I still feel ashamed of myself. It’s been 25 years.
So, I just wanted to check in with you all. Because, if I feel sick with shame at the thought of some of the small things I did, you must all feel it a million times worse.
If it’s any consolation, I learned a lot from you all. Well, how not to be. I have a daughter now, and I know to teach her to be kind. Because being a bully feels a hell of a lot worse than being a victim.
So, I have two things to say to you.
Thank you.
And I forgive you.
Roxie