Speak Up, Not Man Up – Men’s Mental Health Matters
Admitting you need a helping hand is not easy. Your small act of kindness and care could save someone’s life. THAT’s how deep it is. You never know what someone is going through. Our men need us, and we need them too.
By Ramandeep Kaur Sangha, Featured Writer.
June was ‘Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month’. You are reading this in July, but the month does not matter. Men's mental health is not taken as seriously as it should be. We know this. It is not right or okay in the slightest, and it has continued this way for far too long. I'm not only focused on raising awareness of men's struggles, but I'm also actively working on educating myself more about them, too.
I want to understand why men’s mental health is not considered enough, but I also want to understand men better, and through this learning journey, I want to educate and inform others, as well. In May, I spoke about 'Mental Health Awareness Month' and focused on some things I do to look after myself. This time, I wanted to switch this around and bring others' voices to the forefront.
An obvious but significant aspect to acknowledge is that as a woman, I can only say so much - in fact, not enough - on this topic. So, not only was it really important to do so, but I wanted to shine a light on this subject in a special way – through raw storytelling and vulnerable words – from men themselves.
In June, I had conversations with some men in my life. Each of them wanted to help out once they heard what I wanted to write about. They were brave to share their struggles, stories, perspectives, and feelings with me. To those who did, thank you so much. You are an integral part of changing the narrative. You are helping to make real, impactful change through your vulnerability and honesty. You are an inspiration to other men in the world. You are modelling the truth that speaking up is showing strength. You are incredible.
I think about the men who suffer in silence, and how some of these men end their lives. It breaks my heart - and this is exactly what led me to write this article and conduct some of my very own qualitative research into this topic.
Here are some statistics surrounding mental health, suicide, and male suicide specifically:
Almost 800,000 people die due to suicide every year, nearly twice the number who die due to homicide;
More than 90% of people who die by suicide struggle with their mental health and/or addiction;
Men account for 75-80% of deaths by suicide;
Across Canada, the US, and the UK, roughly 75% of deaths by suicide are men;
In England and Wales, men die by suicide at a rate 3 times that of women. Nearly 12 men lose their lives to suicide every day, or approximately 4,200 suicides each year;
In the UK, suicide is the single largest cause of death for men under the age of 50.
(HeadsUpGuys, n.d.).
These statistics are shocking beyond belief, and I really want these figures to change for the better - I think we all do. I know I alone cannot take huge leaps and create massive change to support men better; no one person can. But I also realise it is up to each one of us to educate ourselves, challenge our beliefs, unlearn and relearn, and really understand and be there for the men in our lives. I, as a psychotherapist and passionate mental health advocate, cannot ignore these terrible statistics and do nothing, and so this is my attempt to start somewhere and directly tackle this matter.
Following this mission, I interviewed four men aged between 21-30 years old about ‘Mental Health Awareness Month’, the misconceptions and stigma surrounding men’s mental health, their own struggles and stories about mental and emotional health, what they do to improve and protect it, and what changes they would like to see in the world and in the people around them. There were some key common themes from these conversations, which I will outline and discuss, with quotes taken from the men themselves.
*All names have been changed to protect the identity of those who participated*
Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month – Its Meaning
Men from this sample think it is good and important to have a dedicated month for ‘Men’s Mental Health Awareness’, to raise awareness of its importance, to take time to think and reflect, to check in with others, and to have important conversations. However, they also acknowledge that this should happen all year round.
Individual Journeys, Stories & Support
The men I spoke to have good support systems and can talk to friends and family, which was very positive to hear. They acknowledged other men who may not have people to go to for support, and those who are reluctant to speak up due to various reasons, such as stigma, fear, being dismissive, and going against the "norm" of what men "should" do.
Expectations & Misconceptions
There seems to be certain expectations and standards of men which have stemmed from misconceptions created by society of what men "should do" or "should not do". Online influencers who hold and share controversial opinions on what defines a ‘man’ have significantly impacted society’s views and expectations of men in a largely negative and toxic way. This has resulted in men feeling misunderstood, isolated, and pressured into fulfilling standards constructed by society, such as always having to be strong and unable to show emotion. Though there is overlap, these four men have different views of what a misconception is and what is not, and they hold individual perspectives of what it means to be a "man". This illustrates the complexity and subjectivity of this topic.
Men’s Internal Struggles
There are many internal struggles men experience that are not often seen. These men describe some of these struggles as being rooted in men's longstanding beliefs and lack of support systems, whereas some come from male insecurity and ego. It is clear that inner struggles are different from man to man, but there is a prominent theme from these quotes that indicates either a choice or a pressure to stay in hiding. Their struggles are hidden within because of others or because of themselves.
Negative & Toxic Influences
The men from this sample clearly believe that online influences are one of the leading causes of unhealthy expectations and misconceptions of males. Certain "influencers" and figures, such as Andrew Tate, have had a largely negative impact on men and boys growing into men. The consequences of this are impacting not only the current generation but also the next, indicating the seriousness of this matter. The question I am left with is, how do we minimise the impact this has on men and boys? Minimising social media? Being mindful of certain influencers, figures and pages to follow? Men and boys educating themselves on what healthy vs unhealthy content and beliefs are? We cannot control who is in a position to influence others, but we can control what we consume online and whether we, ourselves, are influenced. Having the awareness to differentiate between what is positive or negative, uplifting or harmful, seems to be extremely important and necessary in this current climate.
Changes That Would Better Support Men – Support Groups
Having more and improved support groups, and making these better known, would be extremely beneficial to men. It is evident that having a genuine community to turn to and a sense of belonging could allow men to feel better supported. Not only would talking be helpful in these support groups, but also engaging in a sport or other activity is favoured. Sport and activities help bond people together and form connections, which can result in men feeling seen and supported.
Advice From Men, For Men
This is some really amazing advice from these men. Did this advice speak to you? Do you have any advice to pass on? Leave it in the comment section.
The following section includes other verbatim from these men that did not fall under a theme. It was important to them and myself that their voices and words were shared completely, regardless of whether it fell under a particular "theme" or not for this article (and broadly speaking too).
A lot was said in these conversations, where I was truly surprised, curious, sad and enlightened, simultaneously. All of these men enjoyed having their conversations with me for various reasons. They felt heard and seen. It allowed them to reflect and process their stories and feelings. It was a space for them to offload and engage in important talk about an important subject - something they do not get to do very often. I could sense that they felt almost a relief in expressing themselves. It was eye-opening for us all, and I hope it was for you, too.
All of the men I spoke with are of colour, to which culture and its particular expectations and pressures add another layer of complexity to their stories, as well as this article. It is commonly known that mental health struggles, and even discussing mental wellbeing, are still somewhat stigmatised in certain cultures and communities, such as South Asian communities. This is brought to light to provide some important context for their stories and outlooks. Not everyone will have the same experiences, regardless of culture, background or upbringing. But added layers, such as culture, are important to think about when discussing mental health. Other factors could also include disability, poverty or deprivation, and family history and genetics. This is a reminder to consider these factors when discussing mental health and when checking in with someone about their well-being.
A message from me I wanted to share:
Guys, I am sorry. For the struggles you go through, seen and unseen. For the expectations you feel pressured into fulfilling. For the toxic influences you are under from social media. For the guilt and shame you feel from friends, family, and even yourself. For feeling damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. I’m sorry for not doing more. The heartbreak and empathy I feel for you all, I hope you feel it through these words. Through this entire article. I see you, and I want to help. I have learnt much more about this topic - the struggles you experience, the factors and issues that fuel them, but also what supports you the most. My learning does not stop here, and neither should yours, no matter your gender. However, we can only learn more if we hear more from men. Please leave a comment and join the conversation, let us know your story and your hopes. Your voice matters just as much as anyone else’s.
I consider myself privileged to have this platform, to share, support, inform and inspire. I would have been silly not to have spoken about this really important subject, to attempt to bring about some positive change, but also to ensure men feel seen and heard.
Thoughts are thought, feelings are felt. By HUMANS. It is long past the time that we should have stopped looking at things as ‘gendered’. Emotions are not feminine. Strength is not masculine. This is not about "taking sides" or fuelling the "who has it worse" debate. It is about genuinely understanding each other and choosing to help one another. I am not disregarding men’s mental health, but I am attempting to explain how we should consider someone’s mental state and struggles the exact same, whether they are a man or a woman. Everyone has mental health, just as they have physical health. We have been created the same. So let us support each other the same.
Like me, you might have spoken to men who brush off your concern or simple kindness of checking in with them, or attempting to start a deep conversation or heart-to-heart. They respond with banter and jokes, maybe they’re doing fine, or maybe they are hiding their pain under their laugh. They could genuinely be okay, which is great, but they could also be desensitised to being vulnerable. They may feel awkward, uncomfortable, frozen even. They may not know how to respond. These are typical responses from men who have learned to suppress their emotions. It is important to understand that these "normal" responses should not be normal.
If, as a man, you cringed, felt uncomfortable, or found something funny in this article, it is okay. Let this be your starting point in allowing yourself to be okay with not being okay.
So you might be thinking, "I can't do much", "How can I help?, “I’m just one single person". I hear you, and I feel the same, too. What you can start doing is…
Checking in with the men closest to you, visiting, calling, messaging, sending a meme, ANYTHING – A 5-minute conversation or interaction can make the world of difference;
Repost those statistics, share that video, like that vulnerable 'Instagram Story'. Silence cannot support. So do your bit and raise awareness for men;
Click on that attached article, look up those emotions, symptoms and warning signs – learning is lifelong. Educate yourselves on men's mental health and how to support them (and you) better;
When a man opens up, actively listen, ask questions, offer empathy, give a hug, be a safe place – your kindness and compassion could be something they need, or maybe all they need, to feel heard, supported and loved. This may be all they need to get themselves out of a dark mentality, to not hurt themselves, or maybe even, to not end their life.
Boys Get Sad Too! It’s time to break the stigma and show that it’s okay to not be okay. Get your hoodie today and wear your heart on your sleeve. Support the conversation around men’s mental health! Shop now: boysgetsadtoo.com (not sponsored).
As a Psychotherapist, it is crucial for me to say to the men reading – please speak up. I empathise with how hard this can be. Taking the first step towards healing is always the most difficult. It can FEEL impossible. But the ACTION is possible. Myself, including thousands of professionals, are here for you. We have dedicated our time, effort, and lives to being there to listen. To support. To walk alongside you through your journey. Asking for help is a strength. Not a weakness.
Admitting you need a helping hand is not easy. But it is the bravest and best decision you could make, and you won't know this unless you make it. Believe us when we say we WANT to help.
I believe it is safe to speak on behalf of everyone when I say – what we want is to hear you, what we don’t want is to attend your funeral… and I know you would agree. There is hope, light and better days after that first step you take. You deserve to see what’s ahead of you.
Please feel free to leave a comment about anything you like. You can choose to be anonymous. Your voice, your feelings, they matter.
A quote I do my best to live by, and I continue to share:
"When you help someone, you help everyone" - Aunt May, 'Spiderman'.
Your small act of kindness and care could save someone’s life. THAT is how deep it is. You never know what anyone is going through, so be kind always.
Our men need us, and we need them too.
Sending love and light,
Raman x
If you need support, or know someone that is, please see the below links:
Samaritans – 116 123
National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK – 0300 304 7000
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – 0800 58 58 58
SANEline – 0300 304 7000
NHS – 111 (Urgent mental health helpline)
References
Boys Get Sad Too. (n.d.). Available at: https://boysgetsadtoo.com.
HeadsUpGuys. (n.d.). Suicide statistics for men. HeadsUpGuys. Available at: https://headsupguys.org/suicide-in-men/suicide-stats-men/#ref (Accessed: 23 July 2025).
A heartfelt and immense thank you to Andrew, Simran, Ethan, and Taran for their bravery and honesty in participating in this research. Your courage not only inspires, but also paves the way for other men to break free from the constraints that societal expectations often impose. Your impact is profound, and your contributions are deeply appreciated.