Being Right Isn’t Worth Losing the Room
Why public correction feels like social death - and how to offer truth without shame.
By Featured Writer, Ravi Shankar.
We say we want the truth. But we don’t want it out loud.
It’s one of the quiet paradoxes of being human.
We admire honesty - but dread humiliation.
We say we’re open to feedback - but flinch at public correction.
Not because we’re fragile. But because we’re wired to survive.
To be told “you’re wrong” in front of others doesn’t just sting the ego - it flickers the nervous system into threat. A primal message:
You’ve just lost status. You’re no longer safe here.
In ancestral times, being rejected by the tribe could mean death. Today, it just feels like it.
What’s underneath this instinct?
Social psychologists call it ‘status threat’. Neuroscientists call it ‘social pain’. Either way, the feeling is real. When someone corrects us in front of others - especially with an air of superiority - it doesn’t feel like a learning moment, it feels like being stripped.
Public correction activates the same neural circuitry as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). The anterior cingulate cortex, which processes both social rejection and bodily injury, lights up when we’re shamed. Even if the person correcting us is “right.”
Because in our brain’s emotional reality:
Being corrected publicly = potential loss of belonging
Loss of belonging = danger
Thus, this process is less about logic and more about the limbic brain; a region responsible for processing emotions, threats, and social connections.
Being “right” can cost you connection
The deeper truth? Most people don’t resist correction because they’re arrogant. They resist because shame hijacks their capacity to hear it, and if your goal is influence - not ego - then your delivery matters more than your accuracy.
- A leader, teacher, therapist, or friend can either:
- Win the argument and lose the relationship;
- Or, invite reflection without rupturing dignity.
I’m not saying don’t speak truth. I’m inviting a more fruitful approach:
Offer truth in a way that preserves the nervous system's safety.
Here’s how truth can land without harm
Some gentler strategies that protect dignity:
Approach: Use a private space to communicate the message, not a public stage.
How: Kindly negotiate a convenient time to meet for a relaxed, one-on-one discussion in a comfortable, non-threatening setting.
Learning Point: Correction in private feels respectful. Correction in public feels performative. By being mindful of the setting and offering the other party agency in arranging a mutually agreeable time to meet, you help maintain both respect and psychological safety.
Approach: Lead with shared humanity, instead of superiority.
How: Use humanising sentences, such as: “I’ve gotten this wrong before too…” to disarm defensiveness.
Learning Point: Ask, don’t accuse so to invite collaboration and strengthen the relationship.
Approach: Mirror before offering insight.
How: Offer reflections, such as: “What led you to that conclusion?”
Learning Point: Invite curiosity rather than conflict to expand the conversation and understand thought-processes – you might learn something, yourself!
Approach: Speak to the relationship, not just the mistake.
How: Lead with validation and gently offer another view, for example: “I can see where you’re coming from. May I share another perspective?”
Learning Point: Hold relational safety as the priority to ensure productive, open dialogue.
The paradox: Silence can sometimes be the deeper wisdom
Not every error needs correcting. Not every moment is a teachable one. Sometimes, the most skilful move is to say nothing at all. Because the cost of being “right” at the wrong time can be trust, and the quietest people in the room often have the most to offer - not because they correct the loudest, but because they preserve connection.
“Truth without love is brutality. Love without truth is sentimentality.” - Warren Wiersbe
So, speak your truth. But speak it softly.
Because being right isn’t worth losing the room.
If this softened something in you… may you pass it on, like a whisper that calms a room, and if ever you wish to explore these dynamics deeper - you know where to find me.
With warmth,
Ravi Shankar N
📧 mentalwellnessassociates@gmail.com
📞 +91 8088808500
🌱 Soul Note
You’re not too sensitive. You’re just tuned into what others ignore - the ache beneath correction, and the silence beneath survival.
References
Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290–292.