Why a Solo Trip Will Be One of the Best Things You Ever Do

Hi, it’s Raman. This article is an impersonal one, written on the train back from a special trip which I shall tell you all about…

There is immense beauty, vulnerability and power in being independent and wanting to live life on your own terms. Having total control of your life means not depending on anyone else to make you feel a certain way, it means not relying on others to make memories, it means not giving others the sole power to live your life happily.

It is important to have connection with others and to be social. Yes, our life is better when others add to it in a meaningful way. But through my own journey, I have found a balance which exists. A balance where I want aligned people and real connection to add to my life, and at the same time I want to ensure I am the main source of my happiness and purpose. I am happy if others add to my life, but I am happy if they choose not to, too. True joy and fulfilment comes from within, and others should be alongside you to just add onto that. That’s my take on it. I’m still figuring out what this looks like and how I feel.

Independence looks and feels different for everyone. For me, it means finding happiness, contentment, peace and solace in my own company, no matter what I am doing or where I am. I do a lot of things day-to-day on my own, and I absolutely love it. (I did write this article on the train, but I am finishing it in a coffee shop alone drinking an iced vanilla matcha, btw). There are days, however, when I crave connection and want to be with friends and family. I like spending time with my loved ones, but all in all, I can honestly say I LOVE being in my own company. I have always been independent. A lone wolf. I have always been one to do my own thing, and have now gotten to the point that present day, I do not think about the fact that I am alone - it is just the way I live most of my life!

If you have solo travelled before, you will understand it is such a different feeling; it’s a freeing feeling not depending on anyone to go somewhere or to experience something. Because when you depend on others to do the things you want and to live your life, you lose control of your life, as you are putting that person in your own driver’s seat.

When someone says "no" to an invite, its so easy to cancel our plans or to put them on hold. For many, no company can very much equal: “never mind, next time". But why wait until next time?! How do you know there will be a next time?

To fill your life with beautiful experiences and to feel fulfilled, you do not need a plus one, a partner, that friend group - a backup person. Take it from me, someone who recently embarked upon their own first (and definitely not last) solo trip!

My solo two-day trip was to Central London, and a few of the things I did were: dine in a restaurant, attend a concert, and spend an afternoon in Camden Market and Regents Park. These experiences alone were all new for me. Dining alone and attending a concert alone were the two biggest experiences of the trip for sure. It is fairly uncommon to dine alone in a restaurant, but even more rare to watch an artist perform live by yourself. It does seem like I dove straight into the deep end – actually, I very much did!

I did ask someone close to me if they wanted to come along, but they did not. God had other plans. The universe had something new in store for me. I went with it. I went with the natural flow I seem to follow these days. And it felt so right. I am always honest in my writing, so I will share that I was a little scared as it was a new experience for me; a solo trip. But I am smiling typing this sentence because I was more excited! And this excited feeling made me realise that I am so comfortable being alone, and super ready to be experiencing things to get me out of my comfort zone and into my growth zone.

The thought of it may make some of you feel uncomfortable: "Being all by myself? For that many hours or days? Not talking to anyone I know? I could never."

We often forget that the person we speak to the most is ourselves, that little voice inside our head: "I’ll feel alone". You won’t. At least I didn’t. Because I was in the best company - I was with my best friend.

Yes, I am my own best friend. To some of you, you will be cringing. For the rest of you, you will be smiling in agreement, understanding completely what it is like to be your best companion. You might be thinking "but I have an actual best friend", which is great and normal. But whether you have other best friends or not, you should always be your own bestie. This can be harder to achieve for some than others, due to many factors, such as attachment style, upbringing, traumas, and mental wellbeing to name a few. However, it can be possible through working on it in therapy, with your support system and with undeniable belief in yourself.

We often forget that the most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves - and it is so very important to be committed to developing and nurturing it, just as you would other important relationships in your life. Only you know yourself; your whole, true, beautiful, authentic, weird self. So pour into you. Listen to and understand yourself. Do what makes your heart full and soul happy; doing things alone is the epitome of empowerment. Trust me when I say, I have never felt so secure and confident in my life - and I am just getting started with this solo era! If I feel unstoppable now, I am so so excited to see how much more myself I will feel as I continue spending quality "me time".

But even if you are not very comfortable by yourself or the relationship you have with yourself could be better, I really do think experiencing a solo trip would improve this. Let’s be honest, doing so will force you to get comfortable with being your sole company, as you will have no choice. Channelling me, myself and I energy is what will help you develop this.

To strengthen the relationship you have with yourself, you have to be alone (of course). Sounds obvious, but we forget that. Furthering on from this, I think it is a good time for you, right now, to reflect on the time that you have been alone, and how you actually spend it. Are you rushing to get home to be with others? Are you filling your commutes with phone calls? Are you asking or pleading with your friends to go out with you because you are bored alone, or feel a strong need to have their company due to insecurity?

People often think that if you are by yourself, you are lonely, or you are wasting time. That is far from the truth. Switching your mindset to realise that you are spending time, is hugely powerful.

In this time with yourself, it is a great opportunity (and it is necessary tbh) for you to do inner work, have conversations with yourself, self-regulate, unpick your mind, process and understand, sit with feelings and let them go. Often we depend on others to help us do this, or a therapist, which is normal – sometimes it is really helpful having some support, advice or someone just to be a sounding board. Most of the time though, it is important to do this in your own solitude. To really sit with yourself and be committed to understanding and bettering yourself each and every day.

Let’s get back to my trip and go through what I learnt and what my takeaways are…

You may be thinking, "did she even have fun alone?" - I had an absolute great time!

On this trip I learnt and lived the fact that if you genuinely enjoy your own company and have a great relationship with yourself, you find joy and fun in anything you do (whether it be alone or with other company). Being alone was on my mind sometimes, but honestly not a lot. Maybe because I do a lot alone in my day-to-day life. But because I made an effort to be present and immerse myself fully into the activities I was doing, I had such a good time.

Another really big takeaway is not to care - about how you look or what others think of you. I raved and danced at the concert. I ate many meals by myself. I took pictures of myself and asked others to take them of me too. I did what I wanted without caring what others thought about me. Actually no, that is not true. There were times that I did hesitate from feeling uncomfortable, but I told myself, every time, "Raman, do it", and with each moment of hesitation, my confidence grew a little, and the uncomfortableness shrunk a little. Big wins!!

I had a conversation with myself, and I will summarise it here for you -

"No one cares about what you are doing or what you look like, but there may be a handful who are the judgemental type and they will have their opinions, but will quickly forget what you were doing. You will regret not asking someone to take that picture. Something that takes 10 seconds is very much worth it to have a physical memory for a lifetime. There is nothing wrong with wanting to capture the moment. There is nothing embarrassing about wanting to stop and close your eyes, to breathe deeply and smile, to truly take in the experience. Live your life, because you don’t get to do this again."

A final realisation from this trip is this – if you cannot meet your needs, then who will? You have absolutely everything you need within you to be your person. I know that we depend on others, which is completely normal. We have expectations of others to meet our wants and needs, which is a whole other topic and article in itself. This next sentence is deep but true: something important to keep in mind is that you must first give yourself what you expect from others, as you cannot expect that which you do not give yourself.

A couple of pointers I feel are important to share also, are around safety – share your itinerary or rough plans with a loved one, and check in every now and then by messaging or calling. You may want to share your location to ensure further safety for yourself, especially in the later hours of the day.

This whole experience has completely reaffirmed that I do not need to depend on anyone to live my life the way I want. You can give yourself everything you want, and when you step into that energy and empowerment, no one can take that energy or experience away from you. Because you made that experience what it was. It was all you. And that, my friend, is so bloody awesome!

Something very much worth adding is that I am so, so proud of myself. Taking a step like this can be hard. But it can also be life-changing. Reflecting on my trip, and how much growth happened in a few days, I can confidently say that it was genuinely life-changing. Because I have grown the confidence to book another solo trip without any doubts, or feelings of uncomfortableness or anxiousness. The experience overall was empowering, liberating, and genuinely soulful. 10/10 recommend (if it wasn’t obvious!).

BRB – booking my next solo trip – abroad edition!

Remember, you are all you need 💚

Sending love and light always,

Raman x