My Journey to Qualified Counsellor and Beyond

I failed my exam. I had to re-sit it, which meant waiting longer to qualify. My fortress crumbled, and I realised: I was human. I couldn’t keep going. I had to ask for help.

By Featured Writer, Michelle Smith.

I began my counselling journey long before I started my formal training - I just didn’t realise it at the time!

Over the years, people have confided in me, including total strangers who struck up conversations while waiting for the bus or standing in line. Even hairdressers would tell me things they’d never shared with anyone. At the time, I thought this was just a normal part of life, something that happened to everyone. I never for a second considered that it was me - little old me - who was creating a space where people felt safe, heard, seen, and listened to. That my empathy, an intrinsic part of who I am, was pouring out naturally, through my words, my body language, and my very presence, without me even being aware of it.

I was often told I looked “familiar.” So many people said they’d seen me before, but I had no idea who my doppelgänger was. Maybe I’d visited them in a dream, as I’ve been told I tend to astral project a lot! I’m also really good at remembering people’s names and the details they share with me. In fact, it helped me land a job back in the late '90s. I was a temp on a reception desk, but I remembered the names of the Managing Directors and greeted them by name every time they walked in. They noticed, and after just two days, they offered me a permanent position.

I’ve meandered through life - backpacked around the world, gotten married three times, bought a house twice, had two children, and been divorced twice. As they say, the third divorce is “in the post.” I’ve had pets, taken holidays, worked, and returned to studying. Yet, despite all these experiences, there was always a sense that something was missing.

It wasn’t until after the pandemic, in 2021, that I figured out what it was!

Before the pandemic, I had been a Consultant for a well-known weight loss company for three years. The people in my groups would often tell me how safe, nurtured, and cared for they felt in my presence. Many shared things with me they’d never told anyone else.

This was the final sign that I had to re-train... as a Counsellor!

My journey to becoming a counsellor began in January 2021, and I qualified in April 2025. Throughout that time, my training helped me become acutely self-aware - and more aware of the relationships in my life. During my Level 4 Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling, everything ramped up. I became more conscious of my own boundaries and experienced significant personal growth. Of course, this had a profound impact on my relationships. I could see how others were struggling, using various coping mechanisms to get by.

By October 2023, my awareness began to highlight deeper issues in my own life. The divide between my husband and I grew wider, and I came to understand that I needed more emotionally. My husband was going through his own mental breakdown and couldn’t give me what I needed. He was at rock bottom, and I had to keep boundaries tight with him to avoid becoming his counsellor. That wasn’t easy. On top of that, I was navigating my own rollercoaster of emotions and physical changes with menopause - something that completely threw me off guard. I hadn’t a clue what to expect! Hot sweats, night sweats, anxiety, weight gain, and a loss of libido - Mother Nature had a dark sense of humour when it came to me!

And yet, that sense of something missing only grew. I was clinging to the other side of that divide with everything I had, determined to bridge the gap, support my husband, cope with menopause, and finish my studies. Full steam ahead! - or so I thought. That was until I realised my daughter had stopped eating. She was starving herself, claiming she was “fat.” Thankfully, I was able to get help and support for her, but it was just another thing piling onto my already full plate.

I was sinking slowly - but I’m stubborn and I don’t quit. I knew I could be there for my daughter, too - no problem.

It was okay that I was neglecting myself - at least, that’s what I told myself. I was there for everyone else. The ‘People Pleaser’ in me was thriving, telling me: “You’ve got this. Don’t worry about your own needs.” So, I listened, like the “good girl” I always was; never asking for anything, never having my own needs met. I was on track for a gold medal in the People-Pleasing Olympics. My outfit was ready, and I could already see the podium… when, out of nowhere, it all crumbled.

Suddenly, I was hit by rubble. There were four separate trips to A&E with my daughter over the summer of 2024, and my husband was unable to support me at all.

Then, I failed my exam. I had to re-sit it, which meant waiting longer to qualify.

My fortress crumbled, and I realised: I was human. I couldn’t keep going. I had to ask for help.

Did I mention I was also working toward my 100 client hours as part of my qualification at that time? I had to fit that in too, and wow, did it become my escape!

I absolutely loved my client work. I volunteered for a charity that supports female survivors of childhood sexual trauma, and I took to this work like a duck to water. I felt like I was home. I still work one day a week for the charity. The therapeutic relationships I formed with my clients have been amazing and unique; this work has saved me. I feel so blessed to give these women a space where they can feel heard, seen, and cared for - without judgment - just empathy.

I did my exam again in January 2025 and passed in April 2025. This time, I gave myself the time and space to do it right. I learned to say “no” to most of the people-pleasing tendencies and put my energy into what truly mattered. I wanted this qualification more than anything, and I knew I had to make a change.

By this time, my daughter was in a much better place - eating well and gaining weight. She’s now at college and thriving. My husband is on his own recovery journey after therapy. I stopped holding onto the divide between us. I had to, for my own sake. We talked, explored our options, and decided to walk our paths separately.

As for me, I’m setting up my own private practice - starting online. I’m taking it slow, giving myself time to process the past year. I was exhausted and needed to reset. I’ve made time to sleep, read, and just be. I’ve finally started challenging that ‘People Pleasing’ Driver that used to hold me so tightly.

Now, I’m focused on helping men with their mental health. I want to create a space where they can be heard and seen without judgment, just lots of empathy. I also want to educate young men and boys about healthy relationships. (Yes, I’ve watched ‘Adolescence’, and I see what’s going on, on social media). One thing I’ve noticed through my volunteering is the lack of support for male survivors of childhood sexual trauma. This is something I want to change.

It’s part of the future I’m building, and I’m excited for what’s to come.

And I’m excited to be sharing it with you.